What Shes Thinking When She Friendzones You

We toss the word “friendzone around a lot these days as a sort of catch-all phrase to describe a variety of romantic misfires. So much so that it’s almost become a bit of a joke, or excuse even, becoming reason in and of itself for rejection. In fact, the amount of times I’ve heard girlfriends (and even some guys) say something along the lines of “(s)he’s really sweet but you know, friendzone and cackle into a fit of laughter without any pressure to elaborate further, as in “nuff said, is too common to count.

The thing is, it's significantly less funny when you happen to find yourself in said “zone, and I would imagine (because I don't think I have been friendzoned to date, as far as I’m aware) incredibly frustrating and confusing too. The good news is, figuring out where exactly things went wrong isn’t really hard, as pretty much every excuse in the book can be filtered into one of the following five reasons.

(And they’re probably not as “crazy as your ego you may think.)

She doesn't know you like her “like that

Sign: You’re “just really good friends
Now this may sound a little naive, and maybe even a bit like an excuse, but 9 times out of 10 I swear it's the truth. And I suppose part of it is to do with the fact that we just expect you to tell us (quite blatantly at that) if and/or when you like us (I mean, that is what we've been told you guys “do our whole lives), but also because there is just no way you would sit through this friendship watching and listening as we maneuver our way through dates and heartbreaks if you liked us, right?

And yes, it is true that every girl wants to end up with her best friend, so it's not necessarily a bad strategy to adopt, but if your long term plan is to just be there for everything, always, in the hopes that she will suddenly, one day turn around and see you in a different light, you’re going to be waiting a long time. Not necessarily never -- sometimes this results in the happiest of endings -- but it's definitely the long game. Because the truth is, you're just too close. You know way too much about wayyyy too much for her to see you as anything other than a genuine friend. And the longer you wait and the closer you get without spelling things out, the more truthful that annoying line about not wanting to “ruin the friendship becomes.

You're trying too hard, and coming off as desperate

Sign: Things are always hot & cold between you
I don’t know what it is in our DNA that makes us so obsessed with “the chase, but the “nothing worth having comes easy philosophy seems to go hand in hand with attraction; we want to work for it. Well, kinda. We want someone to be there and to care naturally without having to ask them, but not too much and not always because that's just annoying -- not to mention a bit curious (like, don't you have a life to attend to?). It's when the lines between reliable and clingy and protective and smothering are crossed that we end up doing this dance back and forth, caught between the comforts of having a shoulder to cry on, but needing to take space and establish boundaries because you’re too attached. Confusing at times, sure, frustrating definitely (for both), but I know you get what I mean because you guys are the exact same.

The point is, there needs to be a bit of a give and take, there needs to be distance, and you need to be unavailable at least some of the time. Because how can she appreciate the value of your presence if she doesn’t understand what it is to feel your absence? You need to let her miss you. And sure there may be times where there is more take than give, and yes she may even insist and verbalise how much you always being there comforts her -- and it's probably true -- but the moment we stop having to ask for it, the moment we can start to expect it, always, is also the moment that things start to become normal. And “normal isn’t sexy or exciting. Half of attraction is discovery, and unpredictability, and a bit of FOMO if we’re being honest -- lose that (or worse, never establish it in the first place) and lose the opportunity to keep her attention.

Of course, this is not to be confused with not trying at all -- that definitely won’t get you anywhere, either.

You're just not who/what/where she sees herself, right now

Sign: She “hopes she finds a guy just like you
Before I even get into this one, it's important that you understand that the reasoning and/or logic behind this thinking has everything to do with her, truly, and not with you. Or maybe just a little with you, but definitely mostly her. And while you don’t have to like or agree or even understand her reason(s) why, they are what she feels, and therefore fair, and you don't get to be mad or upset with her for having them.



Via : https://followrobyn.blogspot.com

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